My girlfriend figured out who you are.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
