the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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