Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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