Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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