You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I look better un-naked...
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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