You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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