It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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