dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
