OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
My breasts were aching with rage.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
