I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
