you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
