and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
i've created a new STD.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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