time to smoke my breakfast
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
