I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
