Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
