Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
how do flat chested girls get laid?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
