You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Buhtt sex?
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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