You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
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