Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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