the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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