i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
