Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
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