i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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