So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
