so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
