just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
