I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
