I bet he comes in French.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
