I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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