Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
