I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
My feet surprised me
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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