She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
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