yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
