It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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