we made out on top of his cat.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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