I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
