I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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