Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
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