Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
