After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
