there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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