I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
