shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.