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• (331): View more from Illinois

  You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.

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• (914): View more from New York

  i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue

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• (937): View more from Ohio

  he is a creepy guy.

  (1-937): View more from Ohio

  yea thats what heroine does to ppl.

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• (314): View more from Missouri

  What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house

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  17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (813): View more from Florida

  It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"

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• (801): View more from Utah

  im getting coffee to go get coffee.

  (435): View more from Utah

  Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.

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• (716): View more from New York

  The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes

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• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.

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• (405): View more from Oklahoma

  woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo

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  These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men

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• (479): View more from Arkansas

  I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.

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• (203): View more from Connecticut

  I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.

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• (815): View more from Illinois

  I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it

  (317): View more from Indiana

  is it necessary to steal the whole car?

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• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.

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• (812): View more from Indiana

  I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth

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• (702): View more from Nevada

  I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk

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