Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
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