don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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