I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
