Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
