so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
