The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
