I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
