I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
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