I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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