is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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