yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
