she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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