my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I just googled if crying burns calories
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
