Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
