we're blogging at a bar
my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
