i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
