Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
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maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
We talked him into tasing himself.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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