And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
