My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
