i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
