I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
