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I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
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